Personal Brand Series: “I’m Doing My Best” & Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

Deciding to start a new business at 34 was not an easy decision. I had previously Founded a yoga company in my late 20’s, but the energy around that venture was very different — I was incredibly transient during that period, picking up for adventure at a moment’s notice, traveling for up to six months at a time to remote islands and villages. I was very comfortable in my airy existence.

Fast forward to 2019 — I had done the whole traveling-yogi thing. I had done the whole cool-tech-company thing. I was ready to start my new journey in storytelling with Kreativ Collective. But this time, the mental and emotional barriers were much larger.

I had money earmarked to buy a home. I had a new puppy and a boyfriend. I was at that stage in life where I found myself wondering if I should act like I was “at that stage in life” and “settle down.”

I started Kreativ in late 2019, but honestly, I was dabbling — at best — for the first few months. I told myself I was giving it room to breathe because I “wasn’t sure what it was yet,” which, was true. But it was also bs. I knew Kreativ would be something great. But I also knew that a lot would be required of me in order to achieve that greatness.

So I dabbled, and set it to the side, and dabbled some more. I spent about six months doing this. Then, March 2020 came and the covid hit the US. And with it came the Holy Grail of excuses: “I can’t start a business now — ThErE iS a PaNdEmIc!”

For the next few months I sat on Kreativ. I provided myself with the excuse that I was “prioritizing self-care,” because, after-all, the world was a very scary place at the time. I reposted quotes to IG that said things like, “Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.” This was also bs.

In July I came to my max point of cognitive dissonance: my internal life was chaos. My energy & emotions were at an all-time low, and my spiritual resilience was barely hanging on.

I have so much to say about 2020, but the main thing is that I think it gets a bad wrap. A lot of horrible shit went down. But a lot of good came from it. Namely, our ability to see ourselves clearly.

A funny thing happens when the world shuts down — when we don’t have access to our friends or family or restaurants or bars; when we no longer have the ability to shop or get our nails done to distract ourselves; when we no longer have access to the people who annoy tf out of us, therefore removing our source for complaining — we have to sit with & begin to learn about ourselves.

And it was in that space that I was able to see my patterns of self-subterfuge. I could see them clearly because I no longer had a source to sustain them. I view our negative & self-sabotaging patterns as a plug. When we are unconscious to ourselves, we are constantly looking for another negative source to connect to in order to power our own negative behaviors & patterns. When the proverbial sockets of negative external energy & unconscious living via distractions were removed from my life (traveling, going out, going to the gym, low-vibe friends, etc) I was able to see my own plug — sparking and flailing in the wind. And I didn’t like what I saw.

I committed that I would stop posting on IG and focus my energy on my business. This process came in waves. The next 6 months were some of the hardest of my life. It was during that time that I learned that whenever we make a big commitment, God has a way of putting things in our path that will challenge our ease of access to a desired thing or destination in order to bring us into closer relationship with our determination. I realized that the only thing I could control was my consistency. So, I remained consistent. And, day by day, I became more consistent in my consistency.

The more consistent I become, the more I realized how little of my Self I had been accessing & utilizing for the first year of Kreativ Collective. I was existing in the backyard of fear and procrastination, and my excuses of “Self Care” and “I am doing the best I can” were the barrier to entry to the Land of Abundance.

Doing the best you can is relative to any one person’s experience and varies during different seasons of life. But for me, I found that when I said, “I am doing the best I can,” I actually meant, “back tf up because I don’t want you to see where I am not trying my hardest.” I would argue that when we say we are doing our best, we are actually not even close to doing our best.

Doing our very best is an energetic experience. It is an insular focus that drives every aspect of our daily behaviors, decisions and commitments. When you are in that energetic space, you don’t think to ask yourself if you are doing your best because you just are.

The Path of Entrepreneurship is filled with fun-house mirrors and magnifying glasses. We are constantly presented with the opportunity for growth out of limiting beliefs and behaviors as we make our way through the maze. It is an incredible experience, but it is a hyper-loop of self-evolution. And if you are not ready for the ride, you will find yourself sitting on the shoulder with a sign that reads, “I’m doing the best I can.”